They Just Need Me

2.20.2014

Y'a'll, I have a confession to make. There are some days where I literally feel like I am falling apart. Someone asked me how I am doing so well with such a big adjustment and I wanted to laugh. While I am definitely loving this new stage in life and I can surely find abundant joy in so many parts of our day, I can also easily admit that it is incredibly hard! My brain is mush and I forget the simplest tasks. I'm overwhelmed. I'm tired. When both of my kids are crying at the same time I feel like crying too. Right now I am pretty much in survival mode- just trying to make it through each day while keeping the kiddos fed, clothed, and somewhat clean.  The truth is:

-My living room looks like this 90 percent of the time. I do clean it almost daily but it only lasts about 3 minutes.

-I've shed more than a few tears over our breastfeeding issues. 

-Emerson pretty much refuses to eat anything even remotely healthy these days. She's had more granola bars and goldfish than I care to admit.

-I haven't really cleaned our bathrooms since before Adelyn was born.

-Emerson has the lines to several movies memorized because she has watched them so many times since we brought Adelyn home.

-Sometimes I feel like throwing the breast pump out the window.

-I feel like Emerson is forgetting so much of what she has learned because I haven't been working with her. I have grand plans for activities we can do each day but they just haven't been getting done.

-I haven't touched my sewing or embroidery machines since I finished Adelyn's nursery. Valentine's shirts for the kiddos? Yeah- it didn't happen.

-Emerson's room currently looks like a bomb went off in it. It's pretty much impossible to keep it clean for any length of time.

-I feel like most of my time is spent trying to nurse Adelyn, bottle feeding, and pumping. It's exhausting at times.

-Emerson has heard "in just a minute" about 50 times a day for the last month.

-I feel like the laundry is never ending.  I currently have a very large pile waiting to be folded and it's just sitting in the middle of the upstairs hallway.

-We have hardly left the house this week and I've pretty much been in yoga pants from sun up to sun down.

-I feel like I fail my children in one way or another at least once a day. I lose my patience. I say no a million times. I have this idea of what kind of mom I want to be and there are so many times that I just can't live up to my own expectations. I have these beautiful, amazing girls. These precious gifts from God and I just want to be perfect for them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't have it all together. Not even close. I'm a mess, you guys! But the good news is that I know I am not the only one. I know that this is just a season of life. A fleeting moment in time that I will want back before I know it. I know that my house won't always be in disarray and that eventually I'll miss cleaning up those crumbs from breakfast and lunch. Although it's hard to believe it now, I'm sure I'll even miss those epic toddler tantrums.
So on the hardest of days, the days where I feel like I'm failing, I'm going to remind myself of a simple, yet very real truth: my kids don't know that I'm a mess. They don't care that there are sticky handprints on the kitchen table from last week or that the piles of laundry just keep getting bigger. All they know is that I am there when they wake up from their naps, ready and waiting with a big hug. They know that I will play princesses or dress up or that we can hold hands while we watch a movie on the couch.  They know that we can play dragons at the park and that I will always be there to catch them at the bottom of the slide. 

They know when I smile and tell them that I love them with all my heart that I really, truly mean it.  They forgive me when I'm not as patient as I could be and they don't care that we haven't done a single Pinterest project this year. 

They don't need perfect. 

They just need me.




Allison said...

I love this post! You are so right and new momma's are always SO hard on themselves. I can only imagine what I will be like, but I am pretty positive you will totally look like you have it all together if and when we decide and are blessed to have another baby. You are doing an AMAZING job and are a WONDERFUL momma. Your girls and Jesse are so blessed to have you in their lives. xo

Katie Hermann said...

You are definitely not alone. I could literally copy and paste most of this post on most days! You are doing a fabulous job for those sweet girls. Hang in there!

April said...

I too thought that you seemed to be handling this transition from one to two way better than I did. :) Now I know you are NORMAL because my living room looks just like yours except add in a huge playmat, a huge exersaucer and two baskets of laundry ready to be put away but for some reason we just keep pulling clean clothes out of them. LOL Jonah watches more TV than he ever did before we had Haley. He loves Mickey and he's learned a lot from watching it. I have let go of a lot of the guilt and stress I put on myself in those first few weeks when Haley was born. Life's too short to have the house clean all the time!! Love your end outlook on it all though!

Dawn said...

AMEN!! AMEN!!

BeckyJo606 said...

Could not agree more. I agree that loving your babies is more important than anything else!! :)

ajs {of MN} said...

youre such a good mom, Tami!

Stephanie said...

Exactly, they just need you, and you are perfect for them, in every sense of the word. I could have written so many of these points myself.

Wildali @ These are the times... said...

GREAT honest post! Something is always left behind. And that is ok because in reality we cannot do everything at once! Hang in there!

Paula Lynch said...

So glad you are doing your job. Spending time with them will be something you never regret. Those things like a clean house can wait!!! Praying breast feeding becomes easier. One less thing to stress over. You are doing an awesome job as Mommy.

Tammy said...

Just remember: You are an amazing Mama. Nobody could take your place. And NOBODY has it together!!!

Lana said...

You are not alone! My babies are 12 and I STILL feel like this on some days. The mess will be there tomorrow or whenever you do feel like getting to it...hug those babies tight and enjoy them!! It's not easy being a mom...I think I cried more than my kids did. LOL

Jenny said...

Love this! Thanks for sharing :)

Sarah said...

Beautiful post! You are definitely not alone!

Catie said...

Things are EXACTLY the same at my house. I think Gus has been living on Valentine suckers and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse :) Wow- the laundry feels like it has tripled, and there is just dirt on the ground. Who knew being a stay-at-home mom was so much work!?!? We will get through this! :)

Emily Powell said...

you're doing a wonderful job. No matter if the house is clean. No matter what or how baby A eats. No matter how many movies you watch. They are beautiful and sweet baby girls. You are so blessed :)

Nicole said...

You most definitely have it figured out. A post that will inspire and touch a lot of mommies, including me. Something that we need to remind ourselves often. A lot of times we are our own worst critics, we set expectations too high for ourselves and all it takes sometimes is a moment to step back and get a flips of what really matters to bring us back to reality.

Allison said...

I absolutely love this post. This is one of the reasons I love following your blog. You keep it real. I appreciate your honesty because it's something that all mommas face. And it is hard, but so worth it! Thinking of you!

Lyndsey said...

I hate that you ever feel that way because just looking at the joy in their faces proves what an awesome mom you are. No ones life is perfect and no mom is perfect, but your family is perfect for you and you are the perfect mom for them! Big hugs!!

Mandy said...

Sweet friend!! This is all so true- I'm so sorry that the breast feeding has been so stressful for you guys. We definitely all have been there. It's so hard living up to our own expectations of what a mommy should look like and we are our own toughest critics. You are an amazing mommy to your precious girls and just remember- this too shall pass. The girls are getting everything they need bc they have you there with them and they know they can count in you to be there. I'm here for you anytime you need me!! Hugs sweet friend and I love you!!

Sarah C. said...

I often feel like this and I'm still just pregnant with #2... I will be bookmarking this post to come back to when I have baby #2 in June!

Your girls are precious and you are right, they just need YOU... not the supermom you think you should be. I tell myself this all the time because I always have that "supermom" person in my head that I feel I have to live up to.

Natalie said...

It is a hard transition in the beginning and being in survival mode is ok. Don't be too hard on yourself...because it will get easier. Hugs!

Amanda said...

You are a rock start momma! Your kids know a momma's love and I know they love just being with you!

Emily Johnson said...

I remember those days! You have a great perspective, keep it up pretty lady, sounds like you're doing a great job to me!

Melissa @ i carry your heart said...

Thank you for your honesty. That is exactly how i felt (and still do somedays!) It's super hard to keep up with everything. 9 weeks in, i'm starting to feel a little more organized and normal, so there is hope. hang in there!!

Beth Ann said...

You're right - you're NOT alone! And you're right- you ARE perfect to them! (And for them!) Cling to those truths. Sometimes we forget to acknowledge that Satan is a very real evil force in our lives. I've come to realize that he loves to make ourselves think we are failing. He loves it when we tell ourselves lies and believe them. Don't let him win. ;) You're doing a great job, girl! Your kiddos are happy and SO LOVED. Your love is all they want and need to thrive right now and I know you're giving them plenty of that!

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