For the last few weeks I have kind of lived in denial about the whole thing. I didn't really allow myself to process how I was feeling about it or to even think about it for that matter.
Of course, all of that changed the day Jesse left. I had no choice but to face it all head on. You see, I don't really consider myself a crier. Up until Jesse's departure day, I hadn't even really cried about it. That's a good thing in some ways but I also knew that it meant that the day he left would be full of waterworks.
And I was right. It started first thing in the morning and went that way on and off all day. We did all of the normal things we do each morning- like eat breakfast- and all I could think was that it was the last time we would do it for at least the rest of 2013.
When it came time for the actual good bye, I was able to hold it together better than I expected but it was still so hard. Knowing that I won't see my best friend for the rest of the year is bad enough, but watching him say goodbye to our baby girl was enough to just break my heart into a million pieces. She is such a Daddy's girl and I know she is going to miss him like crazy. I do take comfort in the fact that she won't probably won't remember this long term, though.
As weird as it sounds, I actually felt relieved once we got the goodbye over with. Yes, it was hard. Yes, I cried. But once it was done I didn't have the anticipation of it hanging over my head. And now that the deployment has actually started, we can also start the countdown until Jesse comes home!
(I also have to add that I really couldn't feel too sorry for myself once I saw another family dropping off their Marine. They had a brand new baby as well as two toddlers. If that momma can do it, surely I can too!)
It's only been a few days, but Emerson and I are doing okay so far. We are slowly trying to settle into a routine and find a new normal while Daddy is away. Luckily, Facetime seems to work well and we have already heard from Jesse a few times. It is such a blessing and I know that is going to make this deployment so much easier!
If you pray, I would appreciate your prayers for Jesse and all of the Marines that are deployed with him. Please pray for their safety and their well-being, as well as for strength and comfort for all of the families.
Now, hurry up 2014!!! :)