The Goodbye is Always the Hardest

7.17.2013

When it comes to deployment, I honestly think one of the hardest parts is the anticipation of the departure. I know that may sound strange but once you know it's coming, it kind of just looms over you like a gray cloud.

For the last few weeks I have kind of lived in denial about the whole thing. I didn't really allow myself to process how I was feeling about it or to even think about it for that matter. 

Of course, all of that changed the day Jesse left. I had no choice but to face it all head on. You see, I don't really consider myself a crier. Up until Jesse's departure day, I hadn't even really cried about it. That's a good thing in some ways but I also knew that it meant that the day he left would be full of waterworks.

And I was right. It started first thing in the morning and went that way on and off all day. We did all of the normal things we do each morning- like eat breakfast- and all I could think was that it was the last time we would do it for at least the rest of 2013.  

When it came time for the actual good bye, I was able to hold it together better than I expected but it was still so hard. Knowing that I won't see my best friend for the rest of the year is bad enough, but watching him say goodbye to our baby girl was enough to just break my heart into a million pieces.  She is such a Daddy's girl and I know she is going to miss him like crazy. I do take comfort in the fact that she won't probably won't remember this long term, though.

As weird as it sounds, I actually felt relieved once we got the goodbye over with. Yes, it was hard. Yes, I cried. But once it was done I didn't have the anticipation of it hanging over my head. And now that the deployment has actually started, we can also start the countdown until Jesse comes home!

(I also have to add that I really couldn't feel too sorry for myself once I saw another family dropping off their Marine. They had a brand new baby as well as two toddlers. If that momma can do it, surely I can too!)

It's only been a few days, but Emerson and I are doing okay so far. We are slowly trying to settle into a routine and find a new normal while Daddy is away. Luckily, Facetime seems to work well and we have already heard from Jesse a few times. It is such a blessing and I know that is going to make this deployment so much easier!


If you pray, I would appreciate your prayers for Jesse and all of the Marines that are deployed with him. Please pray for their safety and their well-being, as well as for strength and comfort for all of the families.   

Now, hurry up 2014!!! :)


Jen said...

Made me teary just reading this. Praying for your family and the Marines he serves with!

April said...

Aww I didn't realize it was so close to him actually deploying. I cannot imagine how hard it was to say good-bye. I will be keeping you and Emerson in my thoughts and prayers during this deployment and I pray you can find a new normal very quickly until he returns. I will pray for his safety too.

J and A said...

Awe this breaks my heart. You are a strong woman and he is a great man. It will fly by!!

Sarah said...

I am tearing up just thinking about you having to say goodbye. Hang in there! Hopefully time will fly by and he will be back before you know it!

Erica @Always a Sooner Girl said...

tears over here. Girl, you will be find, you and E will get through this. Love the family picture at the end.

Melissa @ i carry your heart said...

You are such a brave wife and mom! I don't have any family or close friends in the military, so I can't imagine what it feels like but I hope you can stay so strong while he's away.

Emily Powell said...

You are so strong! I wanted to cry just reading this...I totally wasn't a crier until Georgia came along. I'm sure she's going to miss him so much!

the workaholic momma said...

I wish I was there to give you a hug...my heart really goes out to you. I cannot imagine the sacrifices that are made so that Jesse and all of his fellow marines can protect this wonderful country. Ill be praying for their safe return and for the rest of this year to speed by for you. Thinking about you guys!!!

Amber said...

This just breaks my heart and I will definitely keep you in my prayers. What a blessing Facetime is and sometimes technology really is pretty awesome!

Laurin said...

Praying for you and your sweet family. It broke my heart to read this post knowing how difficult the next year will be for all of you. A friend of mine, a mom to one 2yo girl, is going thru the same. Her husband deployed in March. They try to facetime every morning and they're sharing a FB login so that they can easily see messages/comments on photos that are posted.
So many people are praying for all of you rockstar spouses and your heros!

Paula Lynch said...

Praying for Jesse and all of his Marines. Makes my heart break knowing how much Eme and you will miss him. Come to see us soon. We love you.

Traci said...

Oh man, that's so hard. I hope the time goes fast for you.

Michelle said...

My heart breaks for your family. I can't imagine having to spend so much time apart. I will be praying for peace and safety. I hope it goes by quickly!!

Anna & Kirby said...

Yes ... Many prayers for your family and all the marines.

Gretchen Allnutt said...

Reading your post puts my heart in my throat and go through the feelings right there with you, I know them ALL too well!!! I will be praying for you guys nightly...and if you need someone to talk to, let me know!!

Lyndsey said...

I can't even imagine it - you are so strong! If the rest of the year goes by as fast as the summer has, he will be home in no time! And thank The Lord for modern technology!

Ashley said...

Awww deployments suck! But you got this! You are strong -- and that sweet little girl will be just what you need to get through each day! One day at a time!

Tammy said...

Will be thinking of you & E and praying for Jesse's safe return. I teared up too...I don't know how you military wives do it. I kinda wanna slap myself for all my pity parties I've had when my husband works his long call stretches...you are my hero.

Katie said...

Your strength amazes me! I will for sure being praying for Jesse but also for you girls. Stay strong momma! Hoping the days pass quickly.

Amanda said...

Praying for you and all the military families! Thank you all for your sacrifice!

Kelli Kegley said...

My heart is hurting for you. I will definitely keep you in my prayers and all of the Marines that are deployed. Hugs, Momma!

MrsMcDancer said...

Wishing you and your family strength during this deployment. Hope it goes by quickly {even though I know it will drag at times} Hang in there!

Mandy said...

Keeping you guys in my prayers until he returns home to you girls. You've got this girl- just like all of the other ones and you know I'm here for you whenever you need to text or call someone! Love you guys!

Kate @ Daffodils said...

Hang in there! Ill be praying for his safety and that the time passes quickly for all of you.

~Dawn~ said...

I'll be praying that this deployment goes quickly for you. Thank GOODNESS for facetime and skype!!

~Momma to Twin Girls~ said...

I have tears streaming down my face. but I know how strong you are and little Emerson will keep you busy during the next few months so it will go by so quickly. I will continue to pray for you all... HUGS my friend.

Stephanie said...

I really can't imagine. You are one strong woman for sure!! I hope the time goes by fast for you all and he is back home safe before you know it!

Amanda said...

i am a crier! and i'm crying now for you. BUT....i will be praying for you and your family. hoping its a fast rest of the year, but full of joy and blessings too! love and hugs to you!

ajs {of MN} said...

Def praying for you and thank goodness for facetime!

Beth Ann said...

You are so strong. I am such a crier. How's Emerson doing so far with daddy being away? Praying for you all!

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