A Change of Plans

3.22.2013

While Emerson and I have been busy running around town and making new friends, Jesse has been busy checking in and getting settled at his new job. We were in for a big surprise when we learned that he would not be going to the squadron they had him slated for. (I guess I really shouldn't say we were surprised because that's definitely the Marine Corps for you!)

Anyway, we were a little bit nervous to find out where he would be working and what deployment schedules would look like since we had originally thought that he was going to a unit that would not be deploying. Luckily, he was assigned to the squadron he really wanted and he'll be working with the planes that he likes. When we found out we were relieved knowing that they were not scheduled to deploy for a long while.

Of course, as is common in the military, this all changed when he checked in. We learned that the deployment date has been moved up and is quite a bit sooner than we anticipated. For the first few days after hearing this news I kind of just brushed it off. I mean, if you don't think about it it's not real. Right?

But the reality of it is really starting to sink in now and the thought of it just makes me sick. This is not our first deployment and we have been apart quite a bit over the last few years, but this time it is so much different. Mainly because of Emerson. That baby girl loves her Daddy to the moon and back and I just can't even imagine her not getting to see him every day. Every morning when she wakes up she asks me, "Where's Daddy?" I dread the days when I have to tell her that he we won't see him for a while.  And I absolutely hate that Jesse will miss out on a single second of our sweet girl's life. These precious moments go by way too quickly and I know he will be heartbroken to be so far away.

We were also hoping to start planning for baby #2 and this definitely changes things!  It's a little bit harder to plan for a baby when you are continents apart! We are currently struggling as to whether we want to wait until after the deployment is over or throw caution to the wind and see what happens. In the end I know it it is all in God's hands but this is one thing I have a hard time letting go of.  The thought of being pregnant and taking care of E by myself is terrifying pretty daunting and I would hate for Jesse to miss out on the pregnancy. At the same time the idea of waiting another year (at minimum) makes me super sad. I really wanted our kiddos a little closer together (and I may or may not have a serious case of baby fever.) Who knew the Marine Corps played such a big hand in family planning?!?

The truth is that we are just one of many, many families who have gone or are going through something similar. It's just part of this life that we signed up for. I know we will be fine. We will make it through and we will be an even stronger family when it's over.

But it sure isn't fun to think about. Luckily there are are plenty of distractions to keep us busy and we are going to do our best so soak up every second and enjoy our time together. That's the best we can do, isn't it?


Kelli Kegley said...

Oh, girl I am so sorry. I can only imagine how frustrating that is. Praying that you will feel Gods peace with whatever y'all decide to do.

Brittney Galloway said...

I'm sorry, Tami! That is not one factor you want to be considering when thinking about pregnancy! When is he scheduled to deploy? it sounds soon

Joeylee said...

I'm sorry girl! I bet it's just a hard decision to make to get prego now or wait. :)

Mateya said...

I'm so sorry to hear this and unfortunately I can say that I feel you're pain very much right now. Robbie is going to be deployed soon too and I'm the same way, I just don't think about it because maybe then it won't be happening, right?

It was one thing when it was just me, the last 2 deployments, but now having Hayden just makes me so sad. I just feel so bad for all he's going to miss out on.

I can't imagine if we were trying to plan for another baby. That is so hard! I think it's best to just leave it to God and know that He will take care of it all!

Anna & Kirby said...

Aww...Tami!!! I can't imagine. I'm praying for God to ease your mind and guide you in your decisions.

Paula Lynch said...

Makes me so sad. Just know that we are a very short plane ride away. Anything we can do to help. Love you Mom

Beth Ann said...

Ugh. :( I don't even know what to say. I can't imagine. I wish they couldn't change things up on you so suddenly. :-/ I know you guys are tough and you will lean on God to get you through... and he will provide. But it still stinks. Hugs to you and prayers for you.

Mallorie said...

Oh goodness, I am so sorry for all of the uncertainty this change is bringing with it. I am praying for y'all. I hope He gives you peace of mind and that the deployment goes by fast.

April said...

I can't imagine what you are going through but I know I would be heart-broken for my hubby and son too if I were in your shoes. Give it all to the Lord and I know he will get you through. Tough decisions to make but if the time is right for you all then maybe your family will grow. If not then think of all the special time you will have with Emerson! :) You could always get a puppy instead. LOL

Emily Powell said...

That is so hard! Is there anyway you could plan so that he would miss the pregnancy and not the newborn stage? I rather be alone during pregnancy than those first few months. Ugh...the feeling of nothing being in your control is a hard pill to swallow :(

Mandy said...

I so wish we lived closer sweet friend. :( I know how hard it is to try and make hard decisions like these when things like deployments are looming. But never forget that you have people who are praying for you guys and are always here for you! And it's like we've been saying all along- we worried and "planned" on the timing of these sweet girls at the same time last time and now we look back on it and laugh b/c God knew when it was going to be HIS time all along. And he knows when that precious baby #2 is going to be coming into your family next. Even if it's not our time, it will end up being the perfect time b/c it's His time. I'm here if you need me. Love you!!

calikissa said...

Something similar is happening to us. We are PCS-ing from our non-deployable unit to a deployable one in Miramar this summer. Gotta love the curveballs the Corps throws sometimes. I hope your deployment goes by fast. And that Emerson adjusts well.

Jenna said...

Such a bummer :( We went through the same thing before Ryan's Afghanistan deployment. But we were trying for baby #2 and it didn't happen before he left. Those 8 months apart were SO hard because I just wanted to be pregnant so badly and it wasn't even possible. I say, go for it! If you get pregnant, great! You can totally do it! And if you don't, then God has bigger plans!

BeckyJo606 said...

his is such a tough decision. Praying you guys find peace in your decision and that Jesse's deployment goes by quickly for you all.

Pam said...

So sorry this has happened. Praying for you guys as you seek the Lord's guidance. I hope you will look back on this time and be able to know exactly why it all happened.

Michelle said...

This post seriously had me in tears. Thinking about your sweet little girl missing her daddy while he is gone...how heart breaking. Both my brothers were in the Marines so I know how deployment goes, and it was so hard on us and their wives while they were gone. Neither had kids yet, but I can only imagine how hard this season is going to be on you guys. You will for sure be in my thoughts and prayers.

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