During the introductions we went around the room and told everyone about ourselves. We also had to use one letter from James to tell something about ourselves. My turn happened to fall on the letter J. As soon as I heard that, I knew exactly what J stood for in my life at the moment: Jumping In.
Recently I've felt convicted to jump in and take more chances, if you will. It started with a visit to the church. Jesse wasn't able to go with me and usually that would keep me from going. I don't know why I'm so weird about going somewhere new by myself, but I am. I don't mean the mall or work situations or anything like that. I have no problem shopping or eating by myself. It's usually new social situations that make me nervous. I always feel like I am such a nerd and so awkward and it makes me not want to go into new situations by myself.
Anyway, I happened to meet another Marine spouse who also wanted to visit the church so we made plans to visit together. While I was there they spoke about their women's Bible studies and I immediately felt called to do something I have never done before. I signed up!
And even though I was really excited about the idea of going, I was also nervous for a variety of reasons. The first being that I have never done a group Bible study. I've always felt like I'm not knowledgable enough about the Bible to participate. That's silly, isn't it? The whole point of a Bible study is to become more knowledgable! I've also wondered if I am a good enough Christian. Being around such Godly women can be a bit intimidating because I have SO much work to do to be the person that God wants me to be.
My second huge concern was leaving Emerson in the child care that was provided for the study. As I've mentioned before, I have only left Emerson a handful of times and it has always been with family or very close friends. I felt confident that she would be well taken care of, but I was so worried that she would be upset for me to leave her.
That, coupled with my nervousness about going to a brand new place with a room full of strangers, and I was this close to backing out.
The night before the first meeting I really felt like something was working against me and my plans. Emerson was up most of the night from teething and we were both less than 100 percent the next morning. I really worried that her lack of sleep would make her extra grumpy and that leaving her at the nursery would make us both cry!
While trying to get ready I couldn't find a thing to wear and when it was time to leave I discovered that one of the car tires needed air. It was literally one thing after the other. There were at least five times throughout the morning that made me consider dropping out of the Bible study.
But, for some reason, I decided to go. When I took Emerson to the childcare room there weren't any other children there. That really worried me because I was hoping other kids would be there to distract her. Luckily, she went right in without a worry in the world. I signed in, put her stuff away and walked right out of the room without a peep from her. I had told myself that we would leave if she cried but I never should have worried. She was in the nursery for over two hours and had the best time. She never cried or asked for me and the nursery workers told me that she played the entire time. I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing this was for me!
When I went up to registration table to get my book, I learned that two of my neighbors were part of the study! It was nice to go on knowing that I already knew two people. During the meet and greet I met several other ladies and I felt instantly welcome. We broke up into small groups of 6-7 and I can already tell that I was placed in the perfect group for me. Throughout our introduction time we talked and laughed and even shared a little bit of our hearts. There was a sense of comfort and belonging that I worried I wouldn't feel.
Even though we didn't start our actual study that day, God taught me so many lessons. All of my worrying and anxiousness was pointless. And despite the obstacles that tried to get in my way, with God's help, I did what I had set out to do.
I jumped in.