He's Calling Me

6.23.2012

Lately, I really feel like God is calling out to me. I feel like He's asking me to come a little closer. To surrender and give him my all. Yes, I am a Christian and I have accepted Jesus into my heart. I have been baptized and I believe that Jesus is my savior.

But the truth is, I haven't really been living for Him. I guess I've been more of a fan, if you will, and less of a follower. I've been a mediocre believer, at best, and I definitely haven't put Him first.

Over the last few years there have been many times that I felt that God was speaking directly to me and yet I still kept Him at an arms distance.

A few days before I found out I was pregnant, I was anxious and worried- thinking that I would never have a baby of my own. Then one morning, in what I thought was a dream, I heard God talking to me. He told me not to worry and to cast my fears aside because I was already pregnant. At the time it felt a little surreal but then a few days later I got that positive test.

It was then that I vowed to work on my relationship with God.

Throughout my whole pregnancy I felt a calling to read the Bible but I didn't really put as much effort into it as I should have. I attended church a few times, but I still didn't become the Christian that I knew God wanted me to be.

And then our sweet girl was born and I thanked Him again and again for this precious miracle. I had no doubt that He knew her name long before she was conceived and His hand had been on me and my pregnancy from the beginning.

Sadly, that still wasn't enough to bring me to my knees. Yes, I have been faithful in my prayers over the last year and I have thanked Him every single day for my blessings and prayed consistently for those on my prayer list but that has been about the farthest I have gone.

Despite what He has given me, I still haven't surrendered. I've always had an excuse or allowed something to hold me back. I've even been a little scared. And to be honest, I have been jealous of my friends and family that rejoice in their love for Jesus. I want that too!

However, over the last few weeks I have once again felt this urging to read the Bible. To learn more about Him. To become a better Christian and a better person. To share the message of His love and His sacrifice.

I have felt a calling to change.

One week ago, I started reading The Bible again in the hopes to finish the whole thing in the next 6 months. I was reading it on my computer or iPad but today I decided to go out and buy a new Bible. (I do have a King James Version that I got when I was baptized but I didn't bring it on this trip with me.) I spent about two hours at the Christian bookstore before finally settling on one. While I was there, I also picked up a few devotionals and some Christian fiction books that were on clearance, as well as a prayer journal. I left the store with a happy heart and the excitement of a kid leaving the candy store with a bag full of sugary treats.

On my way home, Emerson fell asleep in the car and as I looked at her in the rearview mirror I felt this overwhelming sense of gratitude and peace. You know what I mean. That feeling in the pit of your stomach. The one that gives you chills and makes you want to cry. And it was at that moment that I just knew that I didn't end up at that bookstore today by chance.

And then, as I approached the car just in front of me, I noticed that it had a bumper sticker in the back window. It read, "Wise men still seek Him."

Coincidence? Nope. With God, there are no such things as coincidences. It was just one more sign that He's calling me and this time I think I'm finally ready to answer.



Callie Nicole said...

Oh Tami, thank you for sharing this! I think it can be so easy to get apathetic in our walk with the Lord ( I know I've struggled with that too) but I love that "wise men still seek Him" sticker. So true, even for those of us who already know Him. Good post!

Meagan said...

Have you heard of the app to read the bible in a year or 40 days?

The Jeffcoats said...

I have chills!!!!!! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post sweet friend!!! I am praying for you in your closer walk with God. I am hoping for the same thing myself! Love you!!

Marinewife1111 {Marcella} said...

We all need the reminders!!
Isn't it awesome that He never leaves us even though we don't always put Him first in our lives??!!

Beth Ann said...

I struggle with spending enough time in His word. The devotional plans on the you version bible app are really helping me with that. Right now I'm doing "living the surrendered life" which is under devotional plans on the app. You can get out your real bible and use it with it. :) I'm excited for you- I know you will be so blessed by following his calling and spending more time with Him. The Bible really is amazing- it is truly a guide for living. It is alive and real and totally applicable so many years later from when it was written. Keep us posted on how He is working in your life!

Blissfully Burton said...

great honest post! i know, it's so hard sometimes to actually read the BIBLE. sometimes...well a lot of the time, I think doing my studies will count. but you are right, it doesn't! it's crazy when you look at your child and realize what all God is doing for you through the little one!

Kelli Kegley said...

I got chills when you were talking about seeing Emerson in the backseat. So sweet and I know exactly what you mean. I have thought many times that having kids is one of tthe best ways to see Gods love and really feel it. It's definitely not the only way, obviously, but just where I am in life right now. It's funny that you talk about being a fan instead of follower. We did a bible study at church called fan vs follower!!! It was really good!

Melissa said...

I love this post. :) I felt this call too recently even though i have been saved for most of my life... i felt like he was no longer first. I'm constantly trying to remember the first "seek first the kingdom of God..." these days. I feel like I'm definitely closer to him again! :)

Thanks for writing this. :)

Lyndsey said...

I have never read the whole Bible before either, and I think it would be such a neat accomplishment! Were any of the devotionals you picked up about parenting? I've been meaning to get one, so I wanted to see if you had any suggestions!

Emily Powell said...

this was such a great post! I've needed a new devotional for a few weeks now but need to do a bit of research first.

Krissy said...

Wow, Tami. I can't fully explain what this meant to me to read. The timing was amazing. Thanks for being the bumper sticker of the car in front of me. :)

luvbnmom said...

How amazing to be so honest about your relationship, when most people would not. You are blessed!

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