Only the Lonely

2.01.2012

Today Emerson and I went to the mall to do some shopping. Well really it was more just window shopping but you get the idea. I wanted to get out of the house and the mall is about the only place to go. Towards the end of our visit we stopped at Starbucks. I ordered a coffee and we sat at one of the tables outside. Emerson played happily in her highchair while I sipped my coffee and people watched. As we were sitting there I noticed a girl pushing a stroller with a baby about Emerson's size. She came towards Starbucks with the biggest smile on her face. Of course, being the nosy person I am, I turned to watch as she went in. She went up to another girl with a baby and they hugged and immediately began chatting. I watched as they ordered their drinks and then found a table together. Their babies played in their strollers while they chatted over their coffee. And I had this feeling... a feeling that I can't remember feeling in a long while. I was jealous! Not because they had the latest designer bags or cute shoes. I was jealous because they had each other... they had friends... and that is something that I didn't realize just how much I've been missing.

Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love spending my days with Emerson. She puts a smile on my face  all day long and I wouldn't have it any other way. But I really miss having girlfriends to talk to. I'd love to have other moms to meet for coffee and playdates. I'd love to have someone here that I can meet at the park or the mall. I'd also love for Emerson to have more interaction with other babies.

So,  you may be asking... Why don't I, after 6 months here, have many friends? I think it's a mixture of things. In the past I have always made friends through school or work or through Jesse's friends. Here I don't have any of that. All of Jesse's Marines are single and my new job (Mommy!) means there aren't a lot of chances to meet people. I have made one awesome friend here but she works full time so we don't get to see each other that often. I have also met some really sweet girls in my compound but I've never taken the initiative to see if they want to get together. Fear of rejection, much?

The truth is that the only way I'm going to meet people and make friends is to put myself out there by going to playgroups and other Mommy functions and inviting the people I have met to do stuff. I'm not a super shy person but doing things like that is surprisingly hard for me. I really don't like going to new places alone and I have a hard time reaching out to people that I've just met. I feel awkward and dorky. I'm always afraid that no one will like me or that I'll say or do the wrong things. When I walk into those playgroups I feel like I'm back in junior high again. There's nothing like being the new kid surrounded by 5 different cliques!  Sounds crazy when I actually say that out loud, doesn't it?

But after our little trip to the mall today I know that I have to make some changes. We're going to be here for at least another year and I don't want to be friendless and lonely the whole time. And I don't want my face to be the only one Emerson ever sees. The poor baby would be scarred for life. If I want to get to know people, I'm going to have to stop being a scaredy cat and take some initiative. So, Operation Make Some Mommy Friends officially starts today. I think I'll kick it off by going to one of the weekly playgroups I've failed to attend for the last 6 months. Wish me luck- I know I'll need it...


Mrs. Mama said...

Aw Tami... why can't we live next to each other... I go through this EVERY DAY {wishing I had mommy friends close by to come over for wine.. er... i mean play dates}

seriously though, i can't wait til E starts doing "activities" and "School" so I can finally get my "mom fix" in! ha

BlessedMama said...

I agree going to new places and meeting new friends is hard especially when you are the newbe (sort of). Just be yourself everybody will love you and if they don't like you for who you are then you don't need them in your life. No reason to fear rejection or awkward and dorky.
Good Luck Mama!

Andrea said...

aww, this posts makes me sad! I just want to get on the next plane with Gracie to come see y'all haha. Good luck girl. I'm sure once you take that first step you will make some wonderful friends!

Sarah said...

I can't imagine being in a strange country without girlfriends...I know that must be hard. You seem super nice though....just get out there and make some playdates...everything will go well!

Lauren said...

It can be so hard and I definitely understand. I cannot imagine doing it in another country on top of that! I went through the same thing and after feeling lonely for 2 months I bit the bullet and went to playgroup and I am so happy that I did. I wish now that I'm back at work I could go more often. Good luck!

Michelle said...

I feel the same way! But then I made a decision that I was going to get involved in any "moms" group that I could and really make and effort to reach out to other moms/women. I still worry sometimes that people won't like me or want to hang out etc, but then I remember that most people feel the same way and maybe they are just waiting for someone to reach out to them!! You are such a sweet person and anyone would be lucky to consider you a friend :) I'll be praying that some awesome friends come into your life this month!

Mom said...

You are too sweet to be lonely. I know there is some other woman that needs a good friend like . Praying God will send you the right opportunity to make a new friend. Love you.

Carrie said...

I wish I was with you too.. We could drink coffee with a huge scoop of whip cream!

miss you... I know you will find people to hang out with!

Megan said...

It is the same way here! I have one friend who's son is about 6 weeks younger than Vince but she and her husband are both active duty so its hard to hang out. I get jealous too when I am out and about and see that.

Kelly said...

It is SO hard to make new friends as an adult. I feel like I am a pretty fun, nice person, but finding the right kind of people can be hard when you aren't forced into it like work/school. I hope you make some new mommy friends soon! They will be lucky to have you!

Mateya said...

Those moms would be crazy not to like you!

I know it's hard, I have no girlfriends in our town either!

The scariest part is putting yourself out there. Good luck! :)

Joeylee said...

can you, me and Becky all live right next to each other. We could be BFFs...haha. I don't really have friends either and it sucks. My best friend lives in Vegas and all the other people I use to hang out I don't since I've had kids. I've attended play groups but the moms weren't very welcoming and the kids and I ususally stayed to ourselves cause it just didn't feel right.

Gabriella said...

I'm sorry you feel this way. It is hard to put yourself out there. I know any friends you meet are going to be blessed to have you in their lives. If we lived closer I would totally have Starbucks dates with you and Emerson! :)

Lyndsey said...

Good luck girl, you can do it! I know exactly how you feel - I'm not good at putting myself out there either - but it will be worth it to get a little bit of adult time back! Have fun! :)

The Jeffcoats said...

My sweet, sweet BFF!! You are such an amazing person and friend and anyone should be so lucky to have you as a friend! Everyone will love you as much as all of your other friends do. You can totally do it- you're more outgoing than you're giving yourself credit for! And E is so lucky to get to spend her days looking at her beautiful mommy!! I wish we lived closer....love you!

Kate @ Daffodils said...

O friend, I feel you in this post! We have been in Moneterey for 6 months and there are so many days when the boys are the only people I see. My hubs works long hours adn studies well into the night and I just havent found anyone I really connect with. I am glad I am not the only one who struggles here!

ajs {of MN} said...

my two cents. i have always rcv'd the following comment from my friends "you make friends so easy" "you have some many friends" i am ok with hearing these but i seriously feel like i really dont have a TON of friends- i especially font have a friend that i can just call up and meet up with randomly once/twice a week- i would LOVE that...

i do however, go to as many events as possible and mingle... i wasn't always good at this- i too was like "i am a HUGE dork and no one will get it" BUT after taking that step of just talking... i always hear that i am funny and i am easy to talk to etc...

i think its easier for me now, b/c i dont only have ME to share with the world, i also have my husband who makes friends and can talk to anyone with GREAT ease... and now we have our other conversational piece baby!!

so you just have to gain the courage to yes join things, talk to ppl, stay longer than group lasts- linger for that extra small talk {that is KEY!} and then... keep in touch by way of quick emails, texts blog comments ;) etc....

you probably have a million girls around you thinking "i want to he tami's friend!" i actually bet money on it!

Natalie said...

I am actually involved in some mommy groups and even though I am it's still hard to make "true" friends. Is it this wasy just b/c we are older? But I have met a few that were worth it so I'll wish you luck and hope you find some too!

Anna & Kirby said...

I totally know how you feel and we've lived here for 5 years! Maybe the older you get the harder it is to make friends... haha. I feel like it sometimes... I have a few close friends from school, but other than that... no one. Kirby is very independent and doesn't "need" friends... so he says. I think women just need other women friends. I'm happy to read you're going to try and get involved. For the short amount of time I'm out of work with Kaden, I'm going to try and join some "mommy groups" and hopefully I'll meet people there.

You are such a sweet person (even if I've only met you through your blog) and I know once you put yourself out there and people get to know you, you'll be fine!

The Shamblins said...

I could have written this exact same thing minus the overseas part. The funny thing I've been finding out is that I think most women feel the same way so I don't know why we hold ourselves back! Good luck momma! You make me feel like I really need to put myself out there more too!!

Michelle Norman said...

I wish we lived by each other.

Mrs. Magnolia said...

I'd totally be your "real" friend if I was there. I think you're worrying way too much, I think you'd be an awesome friend and any of those other mommies would be lucky to have you as a friend!

Natalie said...

I think I am the same way-I am a bit shy in the beginning and have fear of rejection. I am blessed to have lots of friends who happen to have already had or are having kids. You should totally check out the mommy groups-I started going to Mommy & Me class at the hospital when Callyn was a month old and was so scared but it was fine! Everyone was really nice and though I haven't made friends to hang out with outside of that time, I'm sure if I asked, a lot of the moms would want to get together for a coffee or walk or something :) You can do it!!!

cait said...

Aw, good luck, girl! You can do it! I'm the same way about reaching out and trying to connect to people I have just met. And I'm awful about meeting new people...Justin is my confidence when it comes to that type of thing. I need to work on getting better at it by myself. I'm eager to try to find some ways to get out their with Adeline once summer hits and I'm finished teaching. I will be praying for you!

Amber said...

I feel like this on many days and Im a working mom. Hope you are able to find some mommy friends while you are still there.

Mallorie said...

I totally feel you on this one...we moved when I was almost 8 months pregnant and so I didn't start teaching. Now I'm staying at home and the Hubs work schedule is crazy so we don't get out often. I am pretty shy and haven't gotten up the nerve to go to church alone, especially with a 3 month old! :-) I hope you find friends soon, keep us updated!!!

Megan said...

You can do it!!!!!! I don't have many friends where we live...and it's so heartbreaking!! All my best friends live at least 2 hours away. I need to step out of my comfort zone, too!!

Darcy said...

I totally relate to this. I went from working and be an event planner to homeschooling my four kids. HUGE LIFE SHIFT. A lot of my really close friends are now working. We moved to a new city 6 years ago and I worked HARD to make new friends and it is kind of that season AGAIN. So tough. Thank goodness for online friends, huh? Best wishes to you and your daughter!

Darcy said...

I totally relate to this. I went from working and be an event planner to homeschooling my four kids. HUGE LIFE SHIFT. A lot of my really close friends are now working. We moved to a new city 6 years ago and I worked HARD to make new friends and it is kind of that season AGAIN. So tough. Thank goodness for online friends, huh? Best wishes to you and your daughter!

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